Because sometimes your tiny human turns into a Category 5 scream storm.
Ah, the magical age of twoâwhere emotions are big, words are few, and snack placement on a plate can be the difference between peace and total collapse.
But guess what? Youâre not alone. Tantrums are a completely normal part of development. Toddlers arenât âbadââtheyâre overwhelmed, under-equipped, and learning to process big feelings with tiny vocabularies.
This post will help you manage those moments with humor, heart, and real strategies that work.
Why Tantrums Happen (a.k.a. Toddler Logic 101)
At age 2, your childâs brain is under construction. The emotional brain (amygdala) is firing on all cylinders, while the logic and impulse control brain (prefrontal cortex) is still in beta-testing.
In short:
They feel A LOT.
They donât know what to do with it.
They donât yet have the words to explain.
Cue: toddler meltdown.
Goals During a Tantrum
Your mission (should you choose to accept it):
- Keep your cool (even if theirs is gone)
- Help your toddler feel safe and seen
- Avoid power struggles when possible
- Teach emotional regulation over time (not overnight!)
Methods for Managing Tantrums: Pros, Cons & Tips
Letâs break down some common methods parents use, what works, and when itâs helpful (or not).
1. Stay Calm & Be the Anchor
What it is: You remain calm and grounded while your toddler melts down, offering gentle reassurance.
Pros: Helps regulate their nervous system. Teaches co-regulation.
Cons: Requires saint-like patience and self-control.
Tip: Whisper or talk softlyâtoddlers often lower their voice to match yours. *Also, fake calm still works. đ
2. Name the Feeling
What it is: You label what theyâre feeling: âYouâre mad. You didnât want to stop playing.â
Pros: Builds emotional literacy. Makes kids feel seen.
Cons: May feel silly when your child is rolling on the ground over the wrong cup.
Tip: Do it anyway. Repetition builds vocabulary and validation builds trust.
3. Offer Comfort or Space (Let Them Lead)
What it is: Ask, âDo you want a hug or some space?â
Pros: Respects their needs. Teaches boundaries.
Cons: Not all kids can answer in the moment.
Tip: For overwhelmed toddlers, physical comfort (like a hug or sitting near) often works better than questions.
4. Redirection
What it is: Gently offer another activity or focus. âLetâs go feed the dinosaurs!â
Pros: Effective in early-stage tantrums. Distracts with fun.
Cons: Doesnât address the root feeling if used too often.
Tip: Use it alongside naming the feeling to avoid emotional bypassing.
5. Time-In (Not Time-Out)
What it is: You sit with your toddler in a calm space until theyâre ready to rejoin.
Pros: Builds connection. Avoids shame.
Cons: Takes time and energy.
Tip: Have a comfy âcalm cornerâ with soft things, books, or sensory toys.
6. Use Humor (When Appropriate)
What it is: A silly face, dramatic pretend faint, or playful sound effect.
Pros: Breaks tension. Lightens mood.
Cons: Not for all moments. Can backfire if overused or mistimed.
Tip: Only use humor after acknowledging the feeling. Donât make funâlaugh with, not at.
What Not to Do (Even if You’re Frustrated)
Yell Back
It may feel satisfying in the moment, but it raises stress levels for everyone.
Threaten or Bribe Constantly
âIâll give you a cookie if you stop cryingâ teaches kids that emotions = rewards.
Ignore Big Emotions
Ignoring doesnât help children learn how to feelâit teaches them to bottle up.
Doâs & Donâts of Managing Toddler Tantrums
DO:
- Stay calm (or pretend and breathe through it!)
- Say what you see: âYouâre mad. You wanted more crackers.â
- Offer hugs or spaceâfollow their lead
- Keep boundaries loving but firm: âItâs okay to be mad. Itâs not okay to hit.â
- Stay consistentâit builds trust
DONâT:
- Take it personally (theyâre not doing it to youâtheyâre just doing it)
- Embarrass or shame them
- Expect logic from an emotional tornado
- Compare your child to others (especially online)
Bonus Tricks to Try
- âSnuggle Bug Resetâ â Pick them up, wrap in a soft blanket, sit and rock (great after a long meltdown).
- âBlow out the candlesâ â Teach deep breathing by pretending fingers are birthday candles.
- Visual schedule â Toddlers love knowing whatâs next.
- âFeelings Chartâ â Show faces and let them point to how they feel.
Final Thought
Tantrums arenât your toddler being âbadââtheyâre overwhelmed, overstimulated, or overtired. Youâre not failing because your child screams in Target. Youâre parenting through the mess and modeling emotional resilience.
You are your childâs safe space. And even when they throw the banana you just peeled wrong, they love you deeply. And youâre doing a great jobâeven on the sticky, snotty, screamy days.
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Additional Resources:
Westchester County Resources
1. Westchester County Dept. of Community Mental Health
đ (914) 995-5220
Services: Mental health support, crisis services, early intervention referrals
đ mentalhealth.westchestergov.com
2. Family Services of Westchester (FSW)
đ (914) 937-2320
Services: Family support, parenting programs, counseling, home visiting
đ www.fsw.org
3. Westchester Jewish Community Services (WJCS)
đ (914) 761-0600
Services: Behavioral health, support groups, family resources
đ www.wjcs.com
4. White Plains Hospital â Center for Maternal-Child Health
đ (914) 681-0600
Services: Prenatal/postnatal education, maternal mental health, lactation support
đ www.wphospital.org
5. WestCOP (Westchester Community Opportunity Program)
đ (914) 592-5600
Services: Community action programs, housing, early childhood services
đ www.westcop.org
đşď¸ Putnam County Resources
6. Putnam County Dept. of Social Services
đ (845) 808-1500
Services: Public assistance, child services, family programs
đ putnamcountyny.com/social-services
7. Putnam Family and Community Services (PFCS)
đ (845) 225-2700
Services: Counseling, case management, psychiatry, substance use services
đ www.pfcsinc.org
8. Open Door Family Medical Center â Brewster
đ (845) 279-6999
Services: Pediatrics, OB-GYN, mental health, family medicine
đ www.opendoormedical.org
9. Putnam/Northern Westchester Womenâs Resource Center
đ (845) 628-9284 (24/7 Hotline)
Services: Domestic violence support, parenting groups, family advocacy
đ www.pnwwrc.org
10. Putnam County Dept. of Health â Maternal & Child Health
đ (845) 808-1390
Services: Nursing, WIC, maternal support, child development referrals
đ putnamcountyny.com/health/maternal-child-health
đ Additional Regional/National Resources
11. United Wayâs 2-1-1 Helpline
đ Dial 2-1-1 (24/7, multilingual)
Services: Parenting, housing, food, mental health referrals
đ www.211hudsonvalley.org
12. Postpartum Support International (PSI)
đ 1-800-944-4773
Text âHELLOâ to 800-944-4773 (English) or âHOLAâ (EspaĂąol)
Services: Mental health support, postpartum support groups, local referrals
đ www.postpartum.net
13. New York State Office of Mental Health (OMH)
đ (800) 597-8481
Services: Statewide mental health resources and emergency support
đ omh.ny.gov
Services: Statewide mental health resources and emergency support
đ omh.ny.gov
Bibliography
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2021). How children and adults can build core capabilities for life. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu
Zero to Three. (2023). Toddler tantrums: A guide for parents. Retrieved from https://www.zerotothree.org
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2022). Understanding and managing temper tantrums. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org
Child Mind Institute. (2023). Handling tantrums and meltdowns. Retrieved from https://childmind.org
Legal Disclaimer: The information provided by our nonprofit is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical concerns. We make no guarantees about the accuracy or completeness of the information and are not liable for any decisions made based on it. If you have a medical emergency, call 911 or seek immediate medical care.
