You’re in the grocery store when your toddler spots a candy bar. You say no, and suddenly they’re on the floor, crying and kicking. Sound familiar? Let’s dive into understanding and managing these challenging moments!
Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?
Think of your toddler’s brain like a computer that’s still loading. They’re experiencing big feelings but don’t have the software to handle them yet! Common triggers include:
Physical Needs
- Hunger (“hangry” is real!)
- Tiredness
- Discomfort
- Overstimulation¹
Emotional Needs
- Frustration with limited language
- Need for independence
- Desire for attention
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Testing boundaries²
The Science Behind the Storm
During a tantrum, your toddler experiences:
- Increased heart rate
- Stress hormones release
- Difficulty processing logic
- Overwhelming emotions they can’t name³
Prevention Strategies That Actually Work
1. Stick to Routines
- Consistent mealtimes
- Regular nap schedule
- Predictable bedtime
- Clear daily structure⁴
2. Set Up for Success
- Pack snacks for outings
- Plan around nap times
- Bring comfort items
- Keep outings short
- Give transition warnings (“Five minutes until we leave”)
3. Offer Choices
Instead of saying: “Put your shoes on!” Try: “Do you want to wear the red shoes or blue shoes?”
Other examples:
- “Apple or banana?”
- “Blue cup or green cup?”
- “Walk or be carried?”⁵
When the Storm Hits: Your Survival Guide
DO:
- Stay calm (they’re learning emotional regulation from you)
- Acknowledge feelings (“I see you’re really angry”)
- Get down to their level
- Keep them safe
- Wait it out if needed⁶
DON’T:
- Give in to demands
- Punish emotions
- Try to reason during peak tantrum
- Get angry or yell
- Shame or ridicule⁷
Age-Specific Strategies
12-18 Months
- Use simple words for feelings
- Redirect attention
- Offer physical comfort
- Use distraction techniques⁸
18-24 Months
- Start teaching coping skills
- Use picture schedules
- Create a calm-down corner
- Practice deep breaths together⁹
Creating Your Calm-Down Corner
What to Include:
- Soft pillows or cushions
- Picture books
- Squeeze toys
- Family photos
- Calming bottles
- Soft music player¹⁰
Teaching Emotional Regulation
Help Them Name Feelings
- Use picture cards
- Read emotion-focused books
- Play feeling faces games
- Model naming your own feelings
Simple Calming Techniques
- “Bubble Breaths” (blow imaginary bubbles)
- “Bear Hugs” (self-hug)
- “Rain Drops” (tap fingers slowly)
- “Turtle Shell” (curl up quietly)¹¹
When to Seek Help
Talk to your pediatrician if:
- Tantrums last more than 25 minutes
- They hurt themselves or others
- They hold their breath until passing out
- Tantrums happen multiple times daily
- They show signs of significant distress¹²
Your Tantrum Emergency Kit
Keep these tools ready:
- Comfort item
- Small snack
- Water bottle
- Favorite small toy
- Pictures of family
- Simple book
Remember:
- Tantrums are normal
- This phase will pass
- You’re doing a good job
- Every child is different
- Progress isn’t linear
References
- American Academy of Pediatrics. “Understanding Toddler Behavior.” 2023.
- Journal of Child Psychology. “Emotional Development in Toddlers.” 2023.
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child. “Toddler Brain Development.” 2023.
- National Association for the Education of Young Children. “Managing Challenging Behaviors.” 2023.
- American Psychological Association. “Positive Parenting Strategies.” 2023.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “Toddler Development.” 2023.
Note: Always consult with your pediatrician for personalized advice about your child’s behavioral development.
