Why Mistakes Are One of the Greatest Teachers for Six-Year-Olds
As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our children from disappointment. When they struggle with reading a difficult word, lose a soccer game, forget their homework, or can’t build the LEGO tower they imagined, our first instinct is often to step in and fix the problem. While helping children is important, allowing them to experience small failures can be one of the greatest gifts we give them.
At six years old, children are learning that success doesn’t always happen on the first try. They are developing perseverance, confidence, emotional regulation, and problem-solving skills that will serve them throughout school and life. Learning how to respond to setbacks now helps build resilience that lasts into adulthood.
Why Failure Is Healthy for Children
Failure often has a negative reputation, but psychologists view it very differently.
Failure provides children with valuable feedback. Every mistake gives the brain an opportunity to learn, adjust, and improve. Rather than seeing failure as the opposite of success, researchers describe it as an important step toward mastery.
Children who are allowed to struggle appropriately often become more confident because they learn that difficult situations can be overcome.
Instead of thinking:
“I can’t do this.”
Children begin thinking:
“I can’t do this…yet.”
That small word—yet—helps children develop what psychologists call a growth mindset.
The Science Behind Learning From Mistakes
Research by psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck at Stanford University has shown that children who believe abilities can improve through effort are more likely to embrace challenges, persist after setbacks, and achieve greater academic success than children who believe intelligence is fixed.
Neuroscience also tells us something fascinating.
When children make mistakes and then correct them, the brain forms stronger neural connections. The process of identifying an error and trying again actually strengthens learning more than getting the correct answer immediately.
Mistakes help the brain grow.
Six-Year-Olds Are Learning Persistence
Around age six, children are beginning to understand that some goals require practice.
This might include:
- Learning to ride a bicycle
- Reading longer books
- Tying shoes
- Completing puzzles
- Learning multiplication facts later in school
- Playing sports
- Drawing pictures
- Building with blocks
Children who practice working through frustration learn that improvement comes with effort.
Every challenge becomes another opportunity to grow.
Resist the Urge to Rescue
Parents naturally want to help.
However, solving every problem for children may unintentionally send the message:
“You can’t handle this by yourself.”
Instead of immediately stepping in, try asking:
- “What do you think you could try next?”
- “What’s another way to solve this?”
- “Would you like a hint?”
- “Can we figure this out together?”
These questions encourage independence while still providing support.
Praise Effort More Than Results
Children benefit most when adults praise the process rather than the outcome.
Instead of saying:
“You are so smart!”
Try saying:
- “You worked really hard.”
- “I noticed you didn’t give up.”
- “You kept trying different ideas.”
- “That took a lot of patience.”
- “I’m proud of how you handled that.”
This teaches children that success comes from persistence rather than natural talent.
Let Children Experience Safe Failure
Not every disappointment needs to be prevented.
Healthy examples include:
- Losing a board game.
- Forgetting a toy at home.
- Making a mistake on homework.
- Falling while learning to ride a bike.
- Building a block tower that falls over.
- Missing the soccer goal.
These everyday experiences teach valuable lessons without causing lasting harm.
Children learn:
- How to recover.
- How to regulate emotions.
- How to problem-solve.
- How to try again.
Talk About Your Own Mistakes
Children learn by watching adults.
Share age-appropriate examples like:
- “I forgot my grocery list today.”
- “I burned dinner.”
- “I made a mistake at work, so I fixed it.”
- “I had to practice before I learned how to do that.”
When parents model healthy responses to mistakes, children learn that everyone struggles sometimes.
Help Children Manage Big Feelings
Failure often brings disappointment.
Teach children that these feelings are normal.
Try saying:
“I know you’re frustrated.”
“It’s okay to feel disappointed.”
“I’ve felt that way too.”
“Let’s think about what we learned.”
Validating emotions helps children recover more quickly and develop emotional resilience.
Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers
Reflection helps children develop problem-solving skills.
After a setback, ask:
- What happened?
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- What could you try differently next time?
- What did you learn?
These conversations build flexible thinking and confidence.
Celebrate Progress
Children don’t have to become perfect.
Celebrate small improvements.
Maybe today they:
- Read one more page.
- Rode their bike a little farther.
- Stayed calm after losing a game.
- Tried a difficult math problem.
- Introduced themselves to a new friend.
Progress—not perfection—is what helps children grow.
Build a Growth Mindset at Home
Simple phrases can make a big difference.
Instead of:
“I can’t do it.”
Teach children to say:
- “I can’t do it yet.”
- “I’m still learning.”
- “Mistakes help me grow.”
- “Practice makes me stronger.”
- “Every expert started as a beginner.”
Over time, these words become powerful beliefs.
Final Thoughts
Every child will experience failure. What matters most is how they learn to respond.
When children understand that mistakes are opportunities to learn rather than signs that they are not “good enough,” they become more resilient, confident, and willing to take on new challenges.
As parents, we don’t need to remove every obstacle from our children’s path. Instead, we can walk beside them, encourage them, and remind them that every mistake is another step toward success.
Sometimes the greatest lessons come from the moments that don’t go as planned.
Video Resources:
English:
Spanish:
Community Resources
Westchester Children’s Association
Provides resources, advocacy, and educational information that support children’s healthy development, school success, and family well-being throughout Westchester County.
Address: 470 Mamaroneck Avenue, Suite 204, White Plains, NY 10605
Phone: (914) 946-7676
Website: https://wca4kids.org
Westchester Library System (WLS)
Local libraries offer books on resilience, emotional development, growth mindset, parenting, and children’s social-emotional learning, along with free family programs and story times.
Address: 570 Taxter Road, Suite 400, Elmsford, NY 10523
Phone: (914) 674-3600
Website: https://www.westchesterlibraries.org
Child Mind Institute
Offers evidence-based resources to help parents build resilience, confidence, emotional regulation, and healthy coping skills in children.
Phone: (212) 308-3118
Website: https://childmind.org
American Academy of Pediatrics – HealthyChildren.org
Provides physician-reviewed guidance on child development, emotional resilience, learning, and parenting strategies.
Website: https://www.healthychildren.org
ParentChild+
Supports families with early learning resources, school readiness programs, and strategies that strengthen children’s confidence and development.
Phone: (516) 883-7480
Website: https://parentchildplus.org
211 Hudson Valley
Looking for parenting classes, family counseling, tutoring, after-school programs, or child development resources? 211 Hudson Valley connects families with local services throughout Westchester and the Hudson Valley.
Dial: 2-1-1
Alternative Phone: 1-800-899-1479
Text: 898211
Website: https://www.hudson211.org
References
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). HealthyChildren.org: Building Resilience in Children.
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2023). InBrief: The Science of Resilience.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.
National Association for the Education of Young Children. (2022). Developmentally Appropriate Practice Position Statement.
Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2020). What Can Be Learned From Growth Mindset Controversies? American Psychologist.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Positive Parenting Tips.
Harvard Graduate School of Education. (2023). Helping Children Develop Resilience.
